Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of others.
In the Book of Matthew in Chapter 18:21-22 it goes:
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy-seven times.
It’s difficult to forgive and release people of the wrongs they committed against you.
It’s hard to forgive people or circumstances where you have been hurt, painful ones at that. But we must. ‘Holding onto pain is like drinking poison.’ Clenching onto the past hurts, disappointments and empty promises, only weigh you down. I used to wear pain like a blanket, a shield. Almost like a magnetic force field of protection. I have thrust off pain by committing to intense healing and forgiveness and therapy. I still have further to go.
Healing and forgiveness may quite possibly be the most painful thing I have ever done but I am so grateful to have put in the work.
Secondly forgive yourself. We can be our own worst judge and critic; our personal referee of guilt and shame, blowing the whistle every time we drop the ball. The master condemner, is us. The devil doesn’t even need to work sometimes.
Forgiveness of self means freedom from the past. Not forgiving yourself can play out in different scenes and scenarios, trying to fix our history in the present tense. It doesn’t work, again this is all based on my own past experiences.
On of the most painful things is to know we can’t go back and fix something. We can’t right the wrongs, to make something okay again. We must live with the consequences of our actions. We are all sinners. We make decisions and judgements and the outcome is not as expected. It can break your heart.
We make poor decisions, we cross boundaries, we say yes instead of no. We say no instead of yes. We let safe people stay outside the fence and let unsafe people in sacred spaces. Our seams have ripped because it can’t bare the weight of pain. We are left empty, broken and horrified.
The question is where do you go from the pain? Are you going to beat yourself up, throw guilt and suffering like a blanket over you, writhe in self hatred; wear a mask of anger or are you going to seek forgiveness if you need it?
Acceptance of what happened. Acceptance the things you cnanot change. Acceptance of the present. You can’t fix the past but you can make peace with it.
Forgiveness is unseen, an underground work, unrecognized- but it’s there.