I’m sorry if you’ve been tricked. I have been deceived. It’s coldhearted. It’s humiliating. It places a weird seed of doubt. I know God is real. I know God is good. I know God is a healer but at the same time why does He allow certain people and things and situations into your life? Was it the enemy looking to take me out, to destroy my life? Is it disobedience? Was I not prayerful enough? This wolf lied to me constantly and I was so blinded I couldn’t see it. Torturous.
He stabbed me in my heart and then cut my insides open. Metaphorically speaking.
I feel conned.
I feel as though humanity can’t be trusted.
IS THIS TRUE? No.
I believe people are inherently good and not evil.
However, I have encountered evil because the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. I believe everything I have been working towards- school, my business, my friendships, my mental thriving and flourishing was meant to be taken away.
There’s a thing called fasting, prayer and wisdom and thank God I have this. I thought gifts came from a man who led me to believe he was the one, always trying to coax me into having sex with him, gave me an ornament that was a bride, made many comments about marriage and children, and when I refused to have sex with him, after several months he realized I meant it. I also started grilling him about getting married and pursuing his thoughts. His “I love yous,” basically poking holes in his façade.
I started testing him about his intentions, the “future,” it turns out- it was all lies. He just wanted to sleep with me. That’s painful. He had absolutely no intentions of staying with me long term, despite his wooing and words. After the fact, realizing this fabrication of our courtship was a ridiculous manipulation, that only led to crushing my spirit. Don’t worry, I am okay. I am more than a conqueror in Christ.
I believed this man. There were so many tales but I never settled.
It wasn’t until after the fact, I found out he was actively dating, and my assumption, having sex with multiple women. Hiding this in plain sight. It was an endurance of evil covered in sweetness and lies. It’s painful really. I’m okay- my spirit is not gone and God is alive and well. I was meant to be taken out but here I am. Thank God. I feel bad for people who live a life of lies and deceit because it only hurts them and not me. “Move on, its done,” I hear, so I am. I do. I am free of a psychopath.