Part 22: 30 in 30 on 30.


Our families are not perfect.

In life we aren’t granted anything. Admittedly, at times I have taken my family for granted, not intentionally but I have. My heart sinks at the times I could have been a better daughter, a better listener, to be more grateful of what I have been given. Not seeing their value or appreciating them in the moment is my own selfishness. I pray God will always open my eyes to see the best in my family at all times, including my future husband.

I believe as human beings we do the best we can do with our resources talents and time and that’s all we can do. We don’t wake up and say I want to be mediocre today, no. We want our families to be great.
I would not change my family because I know I am loved, cared for, seen and known.

I believe family to be the singlehandedly most important piece to a healthy and vibrant life minus good friends, good health and happy career aka doing what you love.

My prayer during this season to enjoy the precious moments with your family and breathe it in. We are not promised anything. There are a lot of things in life we can get back, but time is not one. Friends may your holidays be blessed, bright and full of whatever lights your family up! Byee


Part21: 30 in 30 on 30

Be Still.

Be Still and know I am God- Psalm46:10.

In certain seasons God tells us to stop doing and be. Be Still. Tuning into the frequency of the Still small voice is essential. Elijah didn’t see god in the Earth quake, he found him in the wind. Trust Him.

6448C43D-0A7F-4C66-85C2-BA7A72F571FFThere are moments when you want to move, take action, but a lot of time, God wants you to rest in His judgement, timing, process.  I want certain things to be done on my timeline so badly but these things can’t be rushed, they can’t be expedited, an overnight delivery selection unavailable. It can be excruciating to wait – to let tick-tocks, to not see progress, results, answers, help even.

His timing also proves a beautiful space of asking poignant questions, seeking God’s face. Also taking the moment to reassess, regroup, reroute the course. I believe schedule disruptions and plans are an opportunity to ask God where am I? What am I doing here? Where am I headed? Choosing stillness isn’t a punishment it’s a gift.


Part 20: 30 in 30 on 30.


I have done a smidge of traveling. I do not travel extensively nor have I traveled at length in years. I do travel a few times a
year to various destinations. I have not had a strong desire to travel in a while, however the desire has been awakened again!!!!! Woohoo!!! Haha. I am writing this after eight hours of traveling. It was smooth. Do you know why it was smooth this time? Because I packed light!!! #newforme

Traveling without expectations makes adventure easier as well. Be cognizant of your surroundings. Be kind to strangers, they always seem to lead you to extraordinary places  you wouldn’t except to find. Leave space for what’s important to you while exploring. Travel light- you always need significantly less than you bring.

Day 19: 30 in 30 on 30.



Do not compare yourself, I constantly am reminding myself. Everyone has their own journey and destination and pit stops along the way. It’s so darn hard to not throw up your hands and say I give up, when the thousandth door has closed. You begin to ask.. why? Why God? Why? Why??? Silence.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”IMG_0064.JPG

God’s word promises us, “He (God) has not given us a spirit of fear but of love power and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7


When thoughts and emotions rise, we can take heart because God is in control. Our mind has an uncanny ability to make up stories and imaginations but the word says to pull these imaginations down and take captive every thought (stronghold.) 2 Corinthians 10:5

Real talk: I have been blessed to live in Bushwick the past four months. It has been a season. The apartment I currently live in, has thin walls and I can hear ALL things.  Everything, in fact.

People have a lot of sex, I hear it; I hear noises a lot. I actually didn’t know people have as much sex as I hear. Didn’t think it was humanly possible. It is. So much so, at work, I started to cringe and hide when I started to hear a similar noise. I would take a breath and realize it was construction or some random door shutting or a pipe bellowing.  My body began living in this space of when is the next unwanted sound going to come? Reamining on high alert, ready to escape the scene. Distracted. It left me feeling icky and tense in my own place, and stealing sacred time I would normally use to unwind and relax from the day.


We are natural born story tellers, and shape-makers; creators of good and bad; when I don’t know what’s going on in certain instances, I can creative false truths to help explain something. I am not speaking for every situation and not everyone’s mind works this way. Maybe very few minds work like this and function as such, but logic doesn’t rule my brain. Feelings, emotions, senses, moments capture me; I love to experience experiences. I however do not want to hear people’s sex-capades. My mind becomes angry and disrespected and distracted. (Sometimes it’s comical but not lately.)  I must protect my mind from negative thoughts, emotions, and frustrations. If I need help, I cry out to God and ask for wisdom.


Those are my thoughts on the mind. This is an aspect of my life and living situation and I just wanted to be real. Peace.


a hiki i kekahi manawa

Part 18: 30 in 30 on 30.

Learn to love yourself.


Sometimes we make deadlines, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we fail, sometimes we succeeded.

We fight for what we believe in, we fight for other people, but do we fight for ourselves? Do we fight for what we need? What we want? What we don’t want? Are we treating ourselves the way we want to be treated? God’s Grace is sufficient for us.

I am learning to love myself, the way I function and operate as a fully thriving human being.

Learning to ask the questions: what do I need to make myself better not only for myself, but for my friends, family, and community. Gradually understanding and acknowledging the ways to treat yourself better and following through with this.

You must fight to love yourself; you are so precious and kind and considerate and noteworthy. Live a life of excellence, because #whynot.

My prayer is that you grow in deeper intimacy with self and Jesus and how you operate and function and thrive. Amen.

Part 17: 30 in 30 on 30.

Forgiveness of self. Forgiveness of others.

In the Book of Matthew in Chapter 18:21-22 it goes:
21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy-seven times.


It’s difficult to forgive and release people of the wrongs they committed against you.

It’s hard to forgive people or circumstances where you have been hurt, painful ones at that. But we must. ‘Holding onto pain is like drinking poison.’ Clenching onto the past hurts, disappointments and empty promises, only weigh you down. I used to wear pain like a blanket, a shield. Almost like a magnetic force field of protection. I have thrust off pain by committing to intense healing and forgiveness and therapy. I still have further to go. I acknowled. Healing and forgiveness may quite possibly be the most painful thing I have ever done but I am so grateful to have put in the work.

Secondly forgive yourself. We can be our own worst judge and critic; our personal referee of guilt and shame, blowing the whistle every time we drop the ball. The master condemner, is us. The devil doesn’t even need to work sometimes.

Forgiveness of self means freedom from the past. Not forgiving yourself can play out in different scenes and scenarios, trying to fix our history in the present tense. It doesn’t work, again this is all based on my own past experiences.

On of the most painful things is to know we can’t go back and fix something. We can’t right the wrongs, to make something okay again. We must live with the consequences of our actions. We are all sinners. We make decisions and judgements and the outcome is not as expected. It can break your heart.

We make poor decisions, we cross boundaries, we say yes instead of no. We say no instead of yes. We let safe people stay outside the fence and let unsafe people in sacred spaces. Our seams have ripped because it can’t bare the weight of pain. We are left empty, broken and horrified.

The question is where do you go from the pain? Are you going to beat yourself up, throw guilt and suffering like a blanket over you, writhe in self hatred; wear a mask of anger or are you going to seek forgiveness if you need it?

Acceptance of what happened. Acceptance the things you cnanot change. Acceptance of the present. You can’t fix the past but you can make peace with it.

Forgiveness is unseen, an underground work,  unrecognized- but it’s there.











Part 16: 30 in 30 on 30.


I have mentioned this before however I want to address it in a different sense.

From my experience, rest is a communion with God; communing with the Father while you work, sleep, eat, and spend time with people. When you try and work from a place of non-communion, I believe distrust and sickness comes in. Fear is at the forefront instead of God.


Part 15: 30 in 30 on 30.


What is peace? Peace is the moment when you can breathe, let your shoulders relax and your mind becomes calm. There’s a moment when you make a decision and there’s a click, an ahaha moment and like the missing puzzle piece, it just fits. You can rest.


{Definition of rest}

1 : repose, sleep; specifically : a bodily state characterized by minimal functional and metabolic activities
2 a : freedom from activity or labor
b : a state of motionlessness or inactivity
c : the repose of death
3 : a place for resting or lodging
4 : peace of mind or spirit
5 a (1) : a rhythmic silence in music (2) : a character representing such a silence
b : a brief pause in reading
6 : something used for support
— at rest
1 : resting or reposing especially in sleep or death
2 : quiescent, motionless
3 : free of anxieties


Peace is the calm despite the circumstances. I made a decision one time without weighing the pros and cons and instead I did what seemed like a really awesome idea because, why not? Huge mistake. When I was in midst of the turmoil, resulting from this seemingly harmless decision, I remembered something my pastor said, something along the lines of, ‘wait three days to make a decision and if it’s a major one wait three weeks.’ He’s so brilliant (PC3).

Peace does not come naturally in certain events and situations. #Atrainrushhour Peace comes from trust in God. Peace comes not from uneventful lives but from the Holy Spirit who like a nurse dispenses drugs in times of deep distress. Holy Spirit breathes peace into your spirit.

Friends, God is not a God of chaos or calamity but a God who is The Creator of Peace. He loves well. He loves deeply. Peace is eternal. There will be trials, that is inevitable. God is faithful. He is just. He will redeem your life. He is Jehovah Jireh. The Great I AM.

John 16:33- These things I have spoken unto you that you might have peace. In the world you will you have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.


Day 13: 30 in 30 on 30


This is a near and dear subject to my spirit and write with sensitivity and gratitude. I am forever thankful for those who have stuck with me and have loved me in the deepest and darkest and messy moments of IMG_0798my life. I am forever grateful for them because they have loved me and haven’t chosen to take the easier path.

I am moved by my friends. Like my dear friend Grace who has loved me well and has chosen the higher path when I get mad. She forgives me and speaks truth and life. She doesn’t hold the wrongs against me. I have found that a friend does stick as close or closer than a brother. Those moments when you are so afraid you don’t know what else to do except call out to God and say help. And then I phone her if I still don’t have peace. Love speaks loudly and gently against raging fear.

If I could go back to my teen days, I do sometimes, through pictures and music and old journals. I let memories and emotions and even what I am wearing flood over me. A sense of nostalgia sweeps me away. I am reminded of the times of Mariah Carey and performing to the audience of none. I loved singing and dancing around in my weekday underwear. I remember the friendships I had, the best friend necklaces and where we went on the weekends and the occasional weeknight, if it was really fun!

Seasons come and go with friends. It’s truly painful to let someone go. We have our reasons. Loosing a friend is as painful as loosing a lover.

Some friends prove they are worth it. Friendships take time and investment and effort and communication and pain sometimes. Some friends move and get married. Other friends have wild crazy adventures with other random friends and you wonder how did you guys end up together in this big world? I don’t know about you but when a person comes along who shows you what true friendship means- to quite frankly give a damn, I hold tight to them and contend for our friendship. The enemy comes to steal kill and destroy but Jesus comes to give you life and life abundantly. Friends don’t loose sight of what’s important.